Josh Reynolds

Before I get some email from someone taking me to task for not writing in this here blog let me get started.

Christmas was great. The leg of lamb was simply delish and fun was had although it was definitely a total brodeo. We watched the Kings who with a huge lead at the half still managed to lose and make me, a person who really doesn't care, get angry.

I had to go to work the next morning due to that Mad Cow disease thing. See, we represent a company here called Applied Digital that puts chips on people, pets, other animals to track them by sattelite. This isn't catching on for obvious reasons, but now with the Mad Cow they are experiencing a lot of interest for the chips' ability to track cattle. So I had to come in and record an interview with the CEO on Friday at 8:30 in the morning because we had to get the press release out when the markets opened. Screw you Mad Cow.

Merry Christmas everyone.

It's just me and Nic at the house today and later we are heading over to Gorman's house where he and Luke are preparing a leg of lamb and other delights. I went out on what is my favorite night of the year to go to a bar and spent some time with Carlos and Nicole who are on my list of the best things in 2003. This is a real step up from last year when the number one thing was discovering Grand Theft Auto III.

Nic is working on his Christmas song "Merry Christmas Valentine". Unfortunately, Nic doesn't have a valentine so it's time to step up to the plate ladies. I asked Nic if he had a Christmas message but it's not suitable for my mom to read so he'll have to tell you in person.

I wanted to post more about Beetle Bailey but I realized on the way to work this morning that no one but me cares about the fact that Hi and Lois made a special appearance in Beetle Bailey today. So, I won't be talking about that. Instead, I've gone sifted through some internet so you don't have too. So here it is, Monday morning "What the hell?":

What the hell was Pavarotti thinking when he put this outfit on?

What the hell are the US authorities thinking by letting Michael Jackon, out on some monstrous bond, go to a foreign country? And why are Michael Jackson and Uri Geller such good friends?

I realize it has been a slow blog week for me and for this I apologize. So without further ado...

1. Wacky morning show laughter is something I cannot stand. The wacky morning show is bad enough but when they make condom jokes or whatever lame thing they are doing (has there ever been a funny morning show gag or skit or prank phone call ever? I have never heard it. Sometimes in high school I would have to get a ride to school with some people who loved the WMS and it was always an awful way to start your day. Who listens to this and thinks that it is good? Anyone?) there is always this annoying fake sounding laughter. It's fake because they know what they are doing isn't funny and I certainly am more than aware what they are doing isn't funny so they have to fake it with this godawful braying trying to convince everyone that they are the most amusing thing ever broadcast. Where I get my bagel in the morning (Everything with butter. I used to get everything with cream cheese but they can't seem to put a reasonable amount of cream cheese on the bagel and so I have to spend time wiping the bagel with my napkin, getting it all over my hands, or the worst, dropping it on my keyboard. What a crappy day that was. I ended up swapping my keyboard with someone else so now he has the old cream cheese in his shift key. Point to the Joshman!)they always have the morning show on and it always reminds me that how glad I am not to have to listen to it like they do.

2. Peta created an uproar this week by handing out pamphlets to kids who's mothers are wearing fur saying "Your mommy kills animals!" with pictures of dead fur giving animals. Ok, dragging children into this debate is not so great in my opinion, but whatever, I didn't come here to blog about children. I came here to blog about the fact that Peta can do some dumb stuff but why must this be an excuse to trot out the tired old crap like:

1. Bring your kids to see the play, wearing the most extravagant fur coat you can find.

2. Make sure to buy a nice double-quarter-pounder before the show, and store it in one of the pockets.

3. When the PETA-nut approaches and hands your child the comic, pull out the burger and inhale it two inches away from the activist's face. Be sure to make delicious chomping and slurping sounds. Go orgasmic if you have to. "MMM, MEAT!!! Let the juice roll down your cheeks for effect.

4. When the activist slugs you (and they will...they by nature have little if any self-control), charge them with assault.

5. Laugh at them when they are sentenced. Laugh hard.

This is so stupid it defies comment. I see stuff like this all the time. "I'd kick them in the nuts with a (leather)boot!" Zing! Har dee har har! You complain about people drawing a Hitler moustache on a Bush poster? Look in the mirror. Your crap is just as played out.



Don't worry the Beetle Bailey post is on its way.

I'm having a hard time finding inspiration today. There was some talk last night of more bachelor items (Athlete's Foot medicine left on the kitchen table and corn tortillia, kraft singles,bologna in the toaster oven sandwiches being the latest offenders) and also of maybe making some end of 2003 lists. The lists are hard for me since I have pretty terrible memory and don't make a whole lot of consumer decisions either. This isn't like 1999 the most eventful year of my life where I saw a woman get run over and murdered and also contracted a disease. 2003 seems so mild in comparison. I started working at CEOcast. Um, I, uh, um.....

CNN.com - Sex sells, especially to Web surfers - Dec. 10, 2003

And in the "Whitney Houston being beaten by Bobby Brown wasn't obvious enough we need something to put on CNN that everyone and I mean everyone is already totally aware of" Department

More Beetle News!

Today's comic offically blew my mind. Mort is getting a little funky in his old age. Check it out.

The huge differently drawn cat looming over the barracks used to symbolize Otto's dream world? Whoa. You're not going to see that in Garfield. I have more and more respect for Beetle Bailey all the time and let me tell you I never thought I'd be writing these words.

CNN.com - Whitney Houston: Bobby Brown struck me - Dec. 10, 2003

And in the "Absolutely no surprise to anyone" category

and via Fark

This gem

Ok, I'm feeling alot better now. Blogging will resume as normal hopefully and we'll all be happier for it.

I was getting on the A train this morning to come to work and as I walked in the station there was a gray haired man in a santa cap with a megaphone yelling "Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah, Have a wonderful Kwanzaa!". It was none other than Marty Markowitz the Brooklyn Borough President. He and his aide were handing out these awful poems about this year with lines about the blackout and such and then at the bottom they had Brooklyn's unofficial slogan "Fuhgeddaboutit!" I know why they picked this. I get the joke and all and I hate to pick nits but taken literally as "Brooklyn! Forget about it!" it's pretty funny.

It's Monday morning and I am sick. Not Hepatitis sick but cough up yellow shit and have everyone say you sound terrible sick. On a happy note, we have heat and hot water back in the house so hooray for that. No cell phone though. I went on my lunch hour to go look for a phone and the cheapest one I could find was ninety dollars. So, in a fit of good sense I started to look on ebay where there were plenty of phones for around ten dollars. Hello! So hopefully by the start of next week I'll be back in action. One can only hope.

Extra Extra Read all about it! Josh loses Cell Phone!

Yes, sadly it's true. I can also see my breath in the house and we have no hot water. Life is beautiful.

Anyway, until I get a new cell you can call me at home at 718-797-3303 and please email me your number since I don't have it anymore.

It sure is snowing here.

Speaking of douchebag and it's merits as being funny or not let me share with you some other things that I don't think are funny.

1. Monkeys. I don't think they are inherently funny. Not at all. I don't get it.

2. This isn't about humor but is in the same vein, what the hell is up with all the people and how much they hate clowns? Get over it. I hear that shit all the time "I hate clowns!" No you don't and shut up.

3. Saying about skinny people "Give them a sandwich". Over it over it over it. How about "Give them some meatloaf." or "Give them a lollipop." but for godsakes enough with the sandwich.

This post is very Head.

I know I give Beetle Bailey more blogspace than it probably deserves but today Mort trots out the chaplain who gets about 2 appearances a year so that was kind of cool. What ever happened to Louise Lugg is what I want to know. We had about two years of her as Sgt. Snorkel's love interest and now she's now where to be seen in Camp Swampy. What gives?


On a sidenote, Mort Walker was also the creator of Boner's Ark. Yes, I put this in for juvenile snickering effect so run with it.

head of the class

Hey, look, I'm just saying that I went to an open mike comedy show last night and there were three comics there all using "douchebag." I'm burnt out on it.

Remember yesterday whe I was talking about things that never need see the light of day again? Here is another entry:

You heard it here first everybody. I am officially declaring the word "Douchebag" to be over comedically. It's not funny anymore, and it's been overused.

Ok? Ok.

The Advertiser: Bear kills two at theatre [04dec03]

The headline on The Drudge Report was "Bear Mauls Two at Theater" which had led me to believe that maybe a bear had wandered in for a matinee showing of "Elf" or something and decided to maul up a few of the other patrons. Alas, this was not the case and it was just another instance of a wild animal being pissed because it is being made to perform and do tricks. First Roy and now these two unfortunate Muscovites.

He then set upon Zakirov's colleague Shedov Timur, 32, who also met an untimely end. I like how prim and proper the writing in this article is. An untimely end. Untimely indeed.

For some reason the link isn't working, but my old co worker David has a blog he's been writing and I think it's pretty good. I miss him around the ol' CEOcast offices. He was the lone voice of reason around here. Well, there's Alvin but he doesn't like to talk trash the way David did.

Today in Beetle Bailey it was revealed that Miss Buxley is 22 years old. This is big people. I don't know that anyone's age has ever been revealed in BB before. Mort, you old goat, you made my morning.

Alot of blogs have categories for their postings like "Art", "Science", or "Celebrities". I don't have the capability yet on my blog here for that but I think my first catergory will be "Things that really need to never see the light of day again". You've seen a few of these so far such as the horrific "Moments of Zen" that so many bloggers have which nauseate me to no end. The first in this newly minted category today is by one of those Zen offenders and it's one of my pet peeves. Yes, it's another hilarious send up of Poltical Correctness. YUK YUK YUK! Does that ever get old? He's not short! He's vertically challenged! HAHAHAHA! Oh my god! That's rich! I mean, come on. People have been writing this stuff since god knows when and it was probably funny the first time, but like a bowl full of raisins left out too long, this schtick has worn out its welcome. Here is the offender if you wish to torture yourself.

I sometimes lose my comics focus here but this is an interesting article on Bill Watterson in the Cleveland weekly.

There really is nothing quite like when you have someone doing construction on the other side of your office wall. BAM BAM SCRAPE SAW SAW. I love it.

This is something else.

My internet addiction has reached new lows(highs?).

Hey to all the other nerds who read this blog. Check this out.

Back at work today.


A short play:


Josh: Good morning Boss #1.

Boss #1: Josher! How was your vacation?

Josh: Good.

Boss #1: So, how do you feel now?

Josh: Umm, dissapointed?


FINIS